When they ask me now what I wished (as a child) to be when I grow up I cannot answer... and than I realize... All I cared about was to survive and to see my parents again and that they would be safe and loving.
Witnessing what is happening in Lebanon and in the whole Levantine region has been very triggering for me . It reactivates my traumas and I really hate this feeling of helplessness. I am anxious and my body reacts as if I was there being bombed right now...
But I am safe in Oslo. There are no drones buzzing over my head. I don't hear explosions throughout the day nor thoughout the night (except on my social media apps connecting me to my homeland).
But I still cannot sleep. I cannot rest as long as this tragedy is ongoing. I jump to any loud sound. I tremble when I see a plane. I see black smoke and broken glass at first glace when I look around.
I do not feel safe. Even though I am perfectly safe.
Anyway I also feel guilty for being safe, and for being lucky enough to be far.
I'm so thankful that my children can grow up here safely and without witnessing the horrors of the war. They can go to school without us needing to check the news and see if the roads are safe.
All I want is for them to feel love and safety and peace.
And I want that for all the children in the world...
Praying for peace
Ceasefire now...
*Artwork by me, Lea Nasnas Chami , 2017 , «war divorce and decadence» acrylic on canvas, part of Dalloul Art Foundation collection, Beirut, Lebanon